An Open Letter to My Stalker

According to Justice.gov, Stalking is defined as: “…engaging in a course of conduct directed at a specific person that would cause a reasonable person to fear for his or her safety or the safety of others or suffer substantial emotional distress”.

For nearly 12 years I’ve been the target of a prolific online troll. This story begins in 2011 as both a haunting and outlandish case of unrequited love. In the busy town of Jacksonville, North Carolina, an unsuspecting 23 year old Marine would meet a 38 year old shrew [derogatory] at a bar. Being a mindless young adult, that Marine would have a one night stand with this particular shrew before parting ways and meeting me several months later.

Shortly after I met the Marine we began dating, and the storm that followed was one that I could not have anticipated. How far would you go to win over the object of your affection? Would you…meddle in their new relationships? Pretend to be pregnant? [Yes, she did.] Get your ex-boyfriend who is unrelated to this matter to message your fling in an attempt to convince him to be with you? How about relentlessly harassing the new gf of your one night stand on the basis of their race? [Spoiler: All of those things happened]

One day soon I’ll tell this story in its entirety. Some parts are still developing, even now. Throughout this decade long ordeal one thing has been certain: I cannot escape the woman who hates me for dating and marrying the man she wanted. The man she wanted who did not choose her back, and I guess for her that was unacceptable.

Restorative justice is not an option I think I’d ever take advantage of in this situation. The reason being that I don’t feel this individual is capable of comprehending the nature of their own actions. I sat down to write out what I would say if I ever had the opportunity to speak freely, directly to my stalker. I thought about what I would want her to know straight from me. This is what I wrote.

“Mikail”,
That’s not your name, now is it? After many years, I’ve finally figured out what your real name is. Using a multitude of aliases will no longer shield your actions — not from me or anyone else. Thinking about all of the things that have transpired over the last 12 years, the biggest and most obvious question remains: WHY?

I’ve tried to understand your actions to the point where I had to realize that sometimes there are no answers for the questions I am asking. But I am still going to ask the questions that need to be asked regardless. Bryant and I know that he wasn’t the first unsuspecting man you faked a pregnancy with. Why would you do that? To so many men? And only after they began dating someone who is not you?

Attempting to victimize me in the manner that you have is a reflection of how conflicted you feel within yourself. You thrive off of the pain of others. Time and time again you boasted online about how thrilled you were to have caused me pain. You reveled in causing others pain. That much has been made obvious by judging the amount of victims you have. IMHO, you are the most hateful and vile person I have ever crossed paths with in life. While your behavior is abhorrent, I hope that one day you truly find peace. I hope that one day you are able to search within yourself to find the strength that you need.

I hope that one day you wake up and can honestly look at yourself in the mirror and acknowledge the turmoil that your actions have caused in the lives of so many others. I hope it eats you alive to look back on how you threatened the safety and well being of my minor children and laughed about it publicly online. Those screenshots will live forever.

To think that a woman, who is almost 50 years of age, continues to carry herself like this in life is…shocking, to say the least.
I hope that every time you hear the names of all of your victims that you feel shame and guilt by the decisions you made that directly harmed them: Justin, Cory, Zach, Stacey, Brian, Joshua, Bryant, Kelsey — and all of their families.

Our only common denominator is you. But even after being convicted of malicious prosecution and having multiple protective orders placed against you, you will not stop. Why? You’ve made numerous attempts to humiliate me in public, damage my career, damage my image in the community where I am established. Continuously making social media profiles, and for every one I block you make three more. Why? The racist harassment and epithets, going to law enforcement because you don’t “like me wearing wigs”, calling me a “horse faced n****r” — WHY?

Making profiles with my likeness and photos and messaging yourself. WHY? Stealing my pictures and defaming them all over the internet — WHY? Purposefully buying things from my business so you can leave a negative review — WHY? Following me all over the internet, then to Missouri, and then back to North Carolina — WHY?

I’m not under any facade or illusion that everyone in life is going to like me, however, you alone have upended my life in ways that have cause irreversible damage, including loss of income, and one day you WILL answer for that. It is clear that you have very little self respect or dignity. It is clear that you feel personally slighted that Bryant and I dared to have a relationship, got married, and successfully birthed a child of our own. It is clear that you have not worked through whatever it is that traumatized you earlier in your life. You are simply projecting the collective of anger and pain you feel onto others and trying to justify your bad actions by saying your “feelings are hurt”.

You are presently married to someone who is a year older than your youngest child, who is 28 years old. No question this is predatory in and of itself, but that’s a discussion for another day and venue. Even still, you continue to cause harm unto others. You lied to have your now husband arrested, and that was your downfall. You will never be able to walk into a courtroom and attempt to maliciously have someone prosecuted ever again.

I don’t feel sorry for you. I pity you, and I think that’s worse than feeling sorry for someone. You don’t deserve pity or forgiveness from me. Perhaps one day I will forgive you for my own reasons, when I feel that I am ready to. I need you to know that everything you’ve done to get to me was a complete failure. While it has caused me much pain, many tears, and lots of therapy — your attempt to crush my spirit was a failure. You are a failure.
You expected me to crumble under the weight of marginalization, knowing that navigating the legal system as a black woman would be hard for me. With all that privilege you tried to utilize as a white woman, you still failed.

There is no doubt you will see this. There is nothing I can do to get away from you aside from you being in jail from time to time. I might not ever truly feel safe because of you. After all of this time the one lesson that you still haven’t learned is that your actions have consequences. There is a cause and an effect. An unstoppable force just met an unmovable object.
Perhaps Bryant was not the object of your affection after all. I will not speculate and it would be a disgusting thought too.

In conclusion, I want to tell you that no amount of pain you inflict on anyone else will heal your wounds. No matter how many profiles you make, how many times you defame me, no matter how many times you change the narrative, apologize, recant, and then begin again — it will not heal you.

You will not find the peace you are seeking while being a bringer of chaos.

After the civil proceedings next year, I hope I never have to see your face again. I hope I never have to hear your name again. I desperately hope that you find something meaningful to fill your time with. Something productive and purposeful. I doubt you will ever find the courage to admit fault and become the well rounded human you claim to be online. Your bigotry will not allow you to see anything outside of yourself. Your mask fell. It slipped right off. I see you for exactly who you are. Now the rest of the world will too.

Sincerely,
The One You Could Not Break

Disclaimer: All parties are presumed innocent until found guilty in a court of law. Some names have been changed to protect the identities of those involved. Specific incidents contained within this essay are alleged except those incidents that are statements of fact and have already been adjudicated in a court of law.